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By
Veronica Chambers
Where
does it come fromthe ability to be strong? How do you struggle
to survive when it feels like you've been born in the wrong skin,
the wrong body, the wrong family, the wrong neighborhood, or on
the wrong side of the tracks? How do you make your way when grown-ups,
who are supposed to take care of you, fail miserably at their jobs?
How do you try to move forward with your life when your parents,
friends, or the kids at school don't know where you're coming from
or what you have to deal with every
day?
The
teenage authors of The Struggle To Be Strong don't have all the
answers, but they do a hell of a job wrestling with the questions.
The wisdom they've gained is what makes this book so powerful and
so helpful to teens who are facing tough issues as they move toward
adulthood. The 30 stories offer an abundance of lessons learned,
from Younique Symone's painful reckoning with her drug-addicted
mother in "I Don't Know What the Word Mommy Means," to
Artiqua Steed's exploration of interracial dating, to Tamara Ballard's
story of becoming tight with a girl she never thought she'd be proud
to call sister.
As
you read these stories, don't allow yourself to think that these
kids are different from you, that because they're published in a
book, they are somehow more special or together than you are. They
have dealt with many of the same problems you've dealt with, and
there's no shame in having problems. If you can find a way to struggle
through those problems, dig deep and discover what you value, then
you're already more remarkable than you may even realize. The very
things that seem to be ruining your life right now-living in a foster
home, having trouble controlling your anger, being afraid of flirting,
having an alcoholic parent, being too shy to make friends-may be
the very things that will give you the strength to face and deal
with future obstacles as they come your way.
I know
because when I was 16, it seemed like there was nowhere for me to
go but straight down the gutter. I had moved out of my mother's
house because I didn't get along with my stepfather. Then when I
moved in with my father and stepmother, the abuse just hit a whole
new level. I spent many nights at the homes of friends, working
in restaurants as a bus girl so that I could get something to eat,
or just walking the street, hoping that nobody would see me or hurt
me.
I used
to look at re-runs of old TV shows like The Brady Bunch and think,
"I bet every one of those cabinets in that TV kitchen has food
in it. I bet those kids are never hungry." I liked school,
but it's hard to study when you are afraid to go home. By the time
my junior year rolled around, I was just trying to make it through
each day. I had always dreamed of going to college and I studiously
avoided both sex and drugs because I didn't want an unplanned pregnancy
or an addiction to derail me as they had some of my friends. But
the question I had to wrestle with was: if I couldn't finish high
school, if there was no safe place for me to live while I finished
high school, how was I ever going to make it to college?
If
you have a dream for your life, and if you try hard enough and you
knock on enough doors, eventually you'll find what you need. With
the help of my guidance counselor, Mrs. Chatmon, I applied for and
was accepted into Simon's Rock, a college for kids who want to go
to college early. I just knew that if I didn't find a way out of
my situation, then I wouldn't survive. My dream was to go to college,
but the longer I stayed in my abusive household, the more I felt
the dream slipping away from me.
So
I went to college early and it saved my life. Without really being
fully aware of it, I was taking initiative and forming relationships
and trying to become independent. That's what the authors in this
book, who are no different than you and me, have done in their lives.
They haven't always succeeded, and their problems haven't completely
disappeared, but they have gained strength and grown through their
efforts.
I once
read something that I've never forgotten. Angela Davis, the scholar
and activist, was talking about the Black Power movement of the
1960's and she said something to the effect of, "The thing
we didn't understand back then is that freedom is an inside job."
I believe
that with all of my heart: "Freedom is an inside job."
It may take you years to change your outside world and realize your
dreams, but it's within your power to change your heart and mind.
You might think that you don't have the power to change whatever
it is in your life that is causing you pain. But these teenage writers
provide some valuable clues about how to begin tapping into that
power, with tips that include:
-Mastering
pain, limiting it's influence on your life and
putting other things at the center.
-Making yourself available to others and trusting in them.
-Thinking through problem-solving steps and
-Putting things in a larger perspective, seeing them in a
humorous or even ridiculous light.
This
book isn't called Triumphant Stories of Teenagers With Unbelievable
Will and Might. It's called The Struggle to Be Strong and the key
word here is struggle. It's about making the effort to be strong.
You have the power to walk out your anger like Tamara Ballard. You
have the power, like Charlene Johnson, to step in and be an example
to your brothers and sisters when your parents are behaving irresponsibly.
You have the power, like Max Moran, to befriend someone living with
HIV.
If
every day, you do one little thing to make your life better, then
guess what? You win. Because if you make that effort every day,
your life will change. As teen writer Lenny Jones puts it, "If
I told you half the things that I was able to bounce back from,
you'd be mortified. But you know what? Things always get better."
That's
what the essays in this book are about: by reading them, thinking
about them, and trying to see how they relate to your life, you
can, as Lenny says, find a way out of no way.
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