NYC-Feature Story

Mama Says...
There's a Right Way for Girls to Behave

By Clariza Sanchez and Jessica Maissonet

Wash the dishes. Mop the floor. This is how you broom under the bed. Keep your legs crossed--you're not a boy. Wear a dress, you would look so pretty. Why don't you stop wearing black? Why can't you be normal? You should go on a diet. Act like a lady. When you grow up, get a good job so you can take care of yourself--that way you can use men and throw them away when you're done. Don't say, "So?"--that's rude. You need to learn how to use the washing machine so you can do the laundry. When you get married, you'll need to know how to do these things so your husband won't leave you. Leave your hair loose--that's why your hair looks so ugly. You're not gonna gain anymore weight, are you? Remember: when a girl goes to bed with all her boyfriends, she's a slut. People get married to have children. Why don't you let your nails grow again? Your hands would look so pretty. Why do you only wear men's clothing? Why can't you be close with your brother and sisters the way I was? You aren't as strong as your brother because he's a man and you're a woman. There are just some things you can't do because you're a girl. Why do you have to keep asking why your brother doesn't have to do this and you do--is it that you want to be a man now? Why are you so violent? Can't you just behave? You can't get a tattoo because only men like those on the corner get tattoos --and you can get an infection! Why can't you just act like a normal girl?! Why can't you just be happy the way you are?
—Clariza Sanchez

Wear a dress once in a while. Black cats bring bad luck, so get rid of it. Girls play with girls and boys play with boys. Girls play like girls and boys play like boys. You look so pretty in pink, you should wear it more often.

Don't put anything used to cut things on your bed. Always write on both sides on a sheet of paper, it'll last longer that way. You're not allowed to date until you're 15. You should learn how to cook--and fast. I don't want to see you with that junkie boyfriend of yours. Those jeans are too big, one of these days you're going to trip and break your neck. Not everything is meant to be said. Let your hair grow long. For god's sake, you're not on the track team--stop running.
—Jessica Maissonet

Over the years my mom has told me: to wash the dishes because it would only be helping her; to pin up my hair, because when I don't I look really sleepy; to sit like a lady, or at least sit right, so I'll be respected as a lady; to dress neat so I'll be respected because of my neatness; that a lady's room should always be neat and not look like a garbage dump; that I should act like a lady in front of people, except when playing sports because she knows sports are sometimes dirty and are supposed to be fun; to respect myself first, because then other people will respect me too; that I couldn't act childish anymore because I am a grown up girl and have to act like one.--Miranda Chung

You know you have to wash the dishes. Why? Because one day you will have a family. What are you gonna do when you have children--let the dishes pile to the sky? You're gonna have to cook, you know. Why? Because when you get a man or a husband, you know how men like to eat. Men love to eat--look at your brothers and your father. Children have to be fed, you know. Speaking of children, one day you'll be a mother and I'll be a grandmother and children need to be watched at all times, especially babies, so start paying more attention to things now. When you have babies, you can't be sleeping hard like that, you know. You say you don't want children now, but you'll change your mind. You're not gonna brush your hair down? Brush it down! Ladies wear dresses, if not every day, once in a while. That's only natural. Why don't you wear a dress today? Here, let me pat your hair down some.
—Faleisha Escort

This summer, teens at NYC discussed how adults control our lives, and how we feel about their rules. These days, it's not just our parents who tell us what to do. Lately, it seems like the government has started acting like a strict parent, too.

For example, Mayor Giuliani has started assigning cops to patrol a few of our city's schools, and is considering having cops replace security guards in many more. And because the police put up cameras in Washington Square Park to catch drug dealers, the cameras spy on all of us, too. Parents buy televisions with magical v-chips to control what their children can watch on TV. And in many communities across America, teens are not allowed out after 10 or 11 at night--it's against the law.

Some of these laws seem really unfair--and may even be unconstitutional. They made us wonder, what's happened to our freedom? But some rules, we felt, protected us, too.

So when NYC writer Curtis Holmes' saw his friend get sent to prison, he wished his friend had followed the rules. And some teens in Washington Heights say they'd rather have police in their neighborhoods and risk getting harassed, than have drug dealers on every corner and risk getting shot. Hashim Warren wants new laws to protect teens from the adults who run the cigarette companies and lure us in with their ads.

We agreed that it's dangerous to allow adults to chip away at our rights. But we also need adults to keep us safe and help us make responsible choices. In these pages, we examine the difficult balance between insuring our safety and demanding our freedom.