FCYU-Feature Story

What It Takes
A new guide to life after care.

By Erica Harrigan

I started thinking about aging out when I entered an independent living group home in 2004, when I was 19. My staff kept lecturing me about what school I was going to attend, what kind of career I was going to have and where I was going to live once I left the system.

At the time, I didn't pay too much attention. But when I started hearing stories about girls aging out with nowhere to go, having to mooch off other people or turn to the streets to make a living, I wised up and started getting prepared.

My Path to Independence

I started taking independent living classes at the ACS building in Manhattan. I knew that if I wanted to be prepared, I needed to get some knowledge.

The independent living instructor taught basic skills like how to sign up for public assistance and how to budget your money. When I finished the class I felt prepared to age out, but I was still scared that I would end up in a tight situation and have a panic attack. I have panic attacks quite often and I start to feel like my life is going to crumble within seconds.

I wished the class could have taught me more about what to do once I aged out, like how to keep a job once you get one or how to maintain the services you need. And I wish they had focused on the emotional side of things, like how to control my temper when things don't end up as planned.

Luckily, my partner Michael attended independent living classes as well, and he helps me when I am lacking. I aged out in July and now Michael and I are living on our own.

About the Book

Because becoming independent is so hard, Represent decided to put out a book that's all about aging out. "Do You Have What It Takes?" is full of stories written by teens in the foster care system and young adults who have been discharged. The book is organized by chapter based on subjects like managing money, finding a job and looking for an apartment. It includes practical information, but it also focuses on the emotional side of things with personal stories.

Some writers wrote about their mistakes and struggles, while others wrote about the joys of being independent. I was excited to find out that a bunch of former foster youth who struggled and made many mistakes have shared their stories, so that others in similar situations can read and learn from them. The goal of the writers was to inform and empower other teens and young adults by sharing their positive or negative experiences.

I enjoyed many stories in the book, but I didn't have enough space to write about them all. Here are some of the ones I related to best, based on my own experiences aging out of the foster care system:

IL Boot Camp

In the introduction, Rick Bullard wrote about how he was unprepared to age out and ended up sleeping on his mom's couch. Even though he'd been in an independent living group home, he hadn't realized how important it was to start planning early.

I liked when he said that independent living should be run like a military boot camp to prepare foster care youth for aging out. I agree totally that the secret to independent living is to have a plan, because without a plan many foster youth would probably have no resources to turn to when they are no longer under the system's care.

I had a plan and it helped. My plan was to leave the system early on a trial basis and move in with Michael. Then, if things didn't work out, I could still move into supportive housing when I turned 21.

Before I left care, I also signed up for Vesid, a program that has helped me find job placement services and GED programs my area.

Buying Out of Control

I liked the chapter on Managing Money, and especially Princess Carr's story about spending too much. Princess, now 22, left foster care with absolutely nothing besides the clothes on her back. She went days with no food, money or shelter because she was an impulsive buyer and didn't know how to save her money. She also states that her lights were shut off and that she couldn't get a bank account.

I'm an impulsive buyer too, although not as bad as Princess. I make sure all my bills are paid, I save enough money so that my bank account remains open and I shop for food before I go buying out of control. But reading this section I realized that I have to slow down on my buying because if I continue buying out of control what happened to Princess could happen to me.

Emotional Connections

Another writer, Christina McKenna, had a lot going on in her life around the time she aged out, so she didn't feel the emotions of her first day out of foster care. But when things in her life cooled down that's when the emotions started to appear.

When I first turned 21, it didn't really affect me because I was already living with Michael. But when I found out that my group home was closing, that's when I felt emotional. The staff played a major part in helping me become independent by showing me tough love, and it hurt to know that I couldn't visit them anymore because the group home was going to be closed down.

I dealt with it by keeping in touch with my old caseworker, Ms. Denny. I can call her whenever I'm feeling angry, sad or glad, and she is there to speak to me. I lost my favorite group home, but I didn't lose Ms. Denny.

Asking For Help

Christine's story "Phoenix Rising" was great. It was about the struggles she had becoming independent, and how she thought that she couldn't ask for any help. I liked when she said, "Becoming independent, I began to see, was a long, slow, gradual process, and I needed all the help I could get." It reminded me of another story in the same chapter, by Antwaun Garcia, called "Too Much Pride." Antwaun put his pride behind him and realized that asking for help didn't make him weak.

Both of these stories (they're in the chapter on "Building Support Systems") connect to my own experience because I thought I could handle my problems on my own without anyone to help me, but I was in denial.

I couldn't handle everything by myself and I needed to ask for help. When I started feeling overwhelmed, I decided to ask around about different treatment centers. A therapist helped me see that many of my problems weren't as tough as I thought they were.

It's Not Easy

All of these stories touched me. I think the book would be useful for staff to use when they teach independent living classes. It can help those who are soon to be aging out of foster care and want to be prepared.

The book doesn't only teach other foster youth practical things about being independent; it also shows them that becoming independent can bring a lot of stresses and traps that throw you off the track. With the tips, personal tools within the stories and quizzes for readers at the end of each chapter, I feel that this book will help people find their way.

It's not easy being independent. To this day I still have my slip ups where I forget the tools I learned in independent living class. But I think I'll manage. I plan to keep this book close by to brush up on useful skills and remind me of others' struggles.