FCYU-Feature Story

Not Like Jail
Family visits at an agency should feel more like home

By Dion

When my sister and I went into foster care, we were placed separately. She went to a group home and I went to a foster home. We would go to the agency to visit with my mother every Wednesday at the same time. I was really glad to see them, but I wished it was more than once a week.

At first, I didn’t enjoy the visits because I didn’t like the agency and there were other people around. The big tables and rolling chairs make it seem like we were in a conference room, and with other visits going on it could be very noisy.

A few months later, I was placed with an aunt in the Bronx and my sister got placed with another aunt in Harlem. Our schools were only 10 blocks apart, though, so on Wednesdays, my uncle and I would go pick my little sister up from school together, and we three would go over to the ACS building and visit my mother.

I liked these visits better because my uncle was there. The four of us would talk about the situation and my mother would help us with our homework. We would sit in a cubicle that we had to ourselves, and the social worker wouldn’t bother us. It was better because no one else was around.

Comfort of Home

Then they moved my sister to my grandmother’s in the Bronx, near where I lived. I could go visit her at my grandmother’s house and even spend the night sometimes. Four months after that, around the beginning of the school year, the court allowed me to spend weekends with my grandmother. I felt great because now I could go over there when I felt like it. My grandmother’s house is very comforting because that’s where I grew up.

The decision also meant I got to be around my mother more. My mom takes the bus to come see my sister and me because she now lives in Pennsylvania. She comes up two or three times a month and visits when my sister and I are both at my grandmother’s house.

We get along better when we’re not being watched by other people. Plus, during these visits, I don’t feel like I’m in foster care. My immediate family is more positive, and everyone isn’t so stressed out about this situation.

Seeing my mother and my sister raises my spirits. My sister and I talk and dance when we get together. We also go outside and we laugh and joke. When my mom visits us we talk to her about everything, and she buys us things and we just have a nice time. Sometimes it feels like I’m living with her again and we are just visiting my grandmother.

Brighten It Up

My experience shows me the way that agencies should change the way they do visits. Whenever it’s possible, agencies should bring the children to the family’s house when they have a home visit. That way, the children would always know that they have a home of their own, not just a foster home. In a family member’s house you’re more comfortable and you can be relaxed.

But if a visit has to be at an agency or group home, they should change the way the rooms are set up to give people privacy. You should get some alone time without anyone else looking over your shoulder. Sometimes people come in and talk with the family, and it takes time away from the visits. If I were in charge of an agency, I would block the room into sections for the visit, so you could have your own space.

They should also increase the amount of time you can spend with your family. If you are separated from your family, why would they only give you two hours of visitation? I would give at least four hours, because family is something special. I would also change the way the visits are planned, to make two or three visiting days a week.

They should also change the setup, because the way it is now makes it feel like you’re at a meeting. The room should feel cozier. I would have a visiting room that makes you want to be there. I’d decorate it with bright colors to brighten up minds. I’d have better furniture where you feel more at home, not rolling chairs and big tables. I would be generous and provide a little snack because it would make the children and parents feel as if the agency really cares for people.

The experience that families have when they visit each other at an agency shouldn’t feel like visiting someone in jail. The experience should feel as much as possible like being at home with your parents and brothers and sisters.

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