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Activity & Discussion for Teens:
Build a Skyscraper of Love

Story: Brick by Brick, by Manny, p. 4

(click here to return to story)

Material: Paper, colored markers or crayons (Optional: packets of colored Post-It notes)

Goal: Teens will understand that “love” between a parent and a child emerges out of countless interactions. Teens will name many of the things people do in loving relationships. They will identify the kinds of actions that parents and teens can take to build loving relationships.

Relevance: Manny’s was living with a foster mother. Learning to love her helped him decide to be adopted as a teenager. But teens who will never be adopted can still explore the idea of “love” in this activity. For teens in care, who have been so badly hurt by people who are supposed to love them, consciously rebuilding their capacity to love (which is about trust) is a very important task. It will help them in all of their relationships, including close friendships and romantic relationships.

Activity: Build a skyscraper of love.

1. Pre-reading discussion: What is love? Ask teens to define love. As they give definitions, ask if there are different kinds of love. Elicit that there is romantic love (e.g., boyfriend/girlfriend), plus nonromantic love (e.g. between best friends, between parents and children). Tell them that this story is about nonromantic love. [Optional: Love is obviously a feeling. But there is a saying, “Love is a verb.” Ask teens what that might mean. (It means that love is expressed in what we do.) What do the teens think about that? Can you love someone, but consistently mistreat them, for example?]

2. Introduce the story and the first activity. Tell the teens they are going to read a story about a boy's relationship with a foster mom who ended up adopting him. Ask, “What is the hardest thing about accepting a new foster parent?”

Picking up from what the teens have said in the initial discussions, tell them that Manny found a way to love his new mother, but that it was not easy. (Tell the teens that Manny gives a clue in the headline. Ask them,“What is it?” (Elicit: they built the relationship “brick by brick.”)

Ask the teens what they think Manny means by a “brick.” [Each brick is something he or his foster mother did to build trust in their relationship.]

3. Read the story.Tell the teens that as they read the story they must circle every instance they can find of something that Manny or his foster mother (Melba) did to build trust. (See box, below, for the kinds of things they should be circling.) [Note: If teens in your group have poor reading skills, feel free to read this story aloud and have them follow along.]

4. Brief discussion and sharing. Ask the teens to shout out some of the “bricks” they circled. Challenge them a bit on why they circled that item. (Tell the teens that if someone mentions something they didn’t circle, but they agree, they can circle it too.) [If the teens have not noticed enough bricks, elicit a few more items from the list in the box.]

5. Draw (or build) a skyscraper of love. Tell the teens that each item they’ve circled is a “brick” that they are going to use to draw a tower of love. Using the paper and markers, they should draw a building of “bricks” and in each brick they should write one of the things that Melba and Manny did to build their relationship. (The youth can be as literal or as artistic as they like. They may literally draw big bricks and put one action in each brick. Or they can just draw a big house or building and decorate it with actions from the story.) [Note: If you used Post-Its, they can write one action on each Post-It, and then “construct” their building from the notes.]

6. Sharing and discussion. Have the teens share their drawings and say a few words about the actions they included on their bricks.

7. Reflection: The Foundation of Love. Remind the participants that the foundation is the most important part of any building. Even though it can’t be seen (it’s underground), if the foundation is weak even the best building will fall. Ask them to imagine a few words that are the foundation of a loving relationship. (The headline has a big clue to one important word.) Have a brief discussion about why these words (e.g., trust, honesty, caring, consistency, vulnerability) are the foundations of love. Then ask them to add those words at the bottom of their drawing.

Extension activity: How to identify non-loving actions

Students in care have been mistreated for so long by people who are supposed to love them that they can confuse mistreatment (sometime the only attention they got) with love. This activity will affirm that certain actions are definitely “non loving” (or even hateful).

Look at the list of actions in the list below. (This should be pretty much the same list of actions that the members of your group have already identified as the “bricks” of love).) Ask them to describe the opposite of each of those actions—the kinds of actions that undermine love and trust. For example, what if the foster mother’s face in their first meeting conveyed that he was just another problem child instead of being happy and full of excitement? What if she had been inconsistent in her attention? What if she had accused him of being an ungrateful thief when he took some change? What if she always insisted on knowing everything he was doing instead of giving him space? What if Manny had never opened up to her by starting to leave his door open or hugging her when he came home from school?

Have a discussion about how powerful our actions can be in either building love and trust or undermining them.

The Bricks: What Manny and Melba Did to Build Their Love (in the order they appear in the story) Melba’s Bricks First meeting: happy face, full of excitement Asked if they wanted something to eat Didn’t force Manny to eat Gave him his space Checked in on him (re: homework) Was consistent in her attention Didn’t overreact when he tested her by stealing change Manny’s Bricks Began to answer “yes” Started leaving his door open Started talking with her Started to hug her Melba’s Bricks Planned special event for his birthday Got him a present Manny’s Bricks “Opened up a lot more” Started conversations Let himself get closer to her family Melba’s Bricks Let him know that she wanted to adopt him (but didn’t pressure)