FCYU-Feature Story

My Happy Place
I found a new perspective at church

By Melissa L.

When I was younger, I didn’t really care about anything. I was good but I didn’t care if I was bad at times. My parents were really strict on me and my sister, but they didn’t make us go to church. There was a church right across the street from us, and I always wondered what people did in there.

I thought that if I was bad I’d get punished by God and that they wouldn’t allow bad people in the church. I also thought that if you did not dress up they would kick you out of the church or not let you in. Church scared me.

Trying it Out

When I was 8, my grandmother died of cancer, and all the neighbors were trying their best to help us out. One of them thought it would be nice to take my sister and me to church with some other kids from the neighborhood. I didn’t think I could say no. Anyway I thought it would be nice to try something new.

When we got to church it was not scary like I thought it would be, but I was bored. There were mostly old people there, and I was too young to actually understand what was being said.

I went back some Sundays, but sometimes I just woke up too late. When I did go, I’d usually fall asleep. That was a bad look for me.

After a while, our neighbor stopped taking us to church, and we got used to staying home on Sundays. Then one day when I was around 13, someone on my block suggested that we come to her Baptist church on Palm Sunday. I said okay. I said okay to everything people told me back then.

A New Church

This church had burgundy carpeting and a big white ceiling, and when I looked up I saw the choir sitting up near the top of the church, all into the music. It was packed with all kinds of people and not everyone was dressed up like I expected them to be.

To me that meant that the church allows you to come as you are because God does not want us to judge based on someone’s appearance. This made me more comfortable. I also enjoyed it because there were a lot of kids there.

After that I started to go to church more and more, because it was something new that I actually liked. It started becoming familiar to me; I knew some of the songs, I knew some of the people and I understood some of what the pastor was saying. Also, no one looked sad or down, everyone was happy and they were spreading the happy feeling to me.

I felt comfortable there, and after a while I made some friends. I began doing more things in the church like singing or going on Saturdays to study.

A New Start

Every Sunday after the minister finishes preaching, the congregation always tries to reach out to see who thinks it’s time to get closer to God. They want to see who wants to start their lives over and be baptized.

I guess one day I thought it was my time, because when my neighbor said I should get up, I did. I said without hesitation that I wanted to be baptized. Getting baptized was only going to happen with my consent, not my parents. Making that decision on my own was important to me, because it showed that I was maturing.

I was scared because I thought I might fall in the water or drown. But after I thought about it, I decided I had nothing to be afraid of. When you are baptized you are washed clean, and you can forget about every bad thing you have done because everything is forgiven. It’s like you are a new person.

Afterwards, I felt like I had a second chance to make something good of myself. Not that I wasn’t good before, but there were too many things I’d done that I hadn’t felt right about doing.

After I got baptized, I was supposed to stop worrying about everything I had done in the past, but it was hard to remember that I was being forgiven. I think I felt guilty because I knew that I wasn’t perfect, and I was bound to do more bad things in the future, maybe even worse things.

Later I learned that in the church, even if I did bad things, I could be forgiven if I recognized my wrongdoing, prayed on it and then asked for forgiveness. That made me feel better. Before, if I did something bad, I didn’t know how to stop feeling guilty about it.

My Escape

Going to church was a way to start the week off differently and a way to escape from my problems at home, at least for a few hours. At home I was not getting along with my father or my sister.

My father was strict and overprotective, and I couldn’t talk to him about friends or boys or any problems I was having, because I was scared of how he would react.

One time he asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said, “Why shouldn’t I have a boyfriend? I’m growing up.” I guess that made him mad because then he started screaming at me, talking about how I should focus on school and not sex. It seemed like everything I did he had something to say, and he was always paranoid about everything.

I also had problems with my younger sister, because as each year passed, it seemed like her attitude toward me was getting worse and she always wanted to do whatever she wanted to do and not listen to anyone, especially me. We argued every day about everything.

We were also having financial problems, so I was really worried about our situation. Sometimes I wished that I could live with my mom, but she’s not wrapped too tight herself and I realized I would probably have more problems if I was with her. With school piling up on me and boys too, I was getting really stressed out. I was mad and kept thinking: “Why me, why is everything getting so hard for me? Why am I here?”

I was feeling real lost and sad, but I didn’t feel comfortable letting other people see me down like that. I was afraid they might try to take advantage of me. I didn’t think anyone could really help me, and I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me.

The Only Hope I Had

I think listening to the positive things I heard in church was the only hope I had and the only way I could get help.

The pastor and other church people talked about how they had and still have problems worse than mine but somehow they were making it through life. They didn’t dwell on the negative, like most of the people I hung out with. They had faith and looked on the bright side.

Most adults I’d known would get my hopes up and say they’d do something for me, then let me down. But the people I met in church followed through on their promises. Whatever they thought I needed they gave it to me, whether it was encouragement, money, or anything else. Sometimes I was even able to open up to them about how I was feeling. That made me feel a little better because it was nice to know that someone cared about my problems.

Rethinking My Problems

One Saturday, I attended a teen meeting at the church. The man running the meeting was a reverend, but he was so cool and relaxed. He asked all of us teens to think about something in our lives that was troubling us. He said, “If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to tell me or anyone else, but at least think about it.”

Then he shared his story about coming up from his hard life and how no one expected him to get anywhere close to where he is today. He told us about how a moment in his life made him get closer to God and how God helps everyone. He said there is a way out of everything if you just believe.

I did not say anything about my problems but at that moment I took a second look at everything I was going through and everything I’d done. From that one afternoon, I learned a lot.

The reverend and other people in church slowly helped me—and still are helping me—see that all these problems are a test of my character. Their stories and advice have helped me look on the bright side and see that my problems at home will be over someday.

The arguments with my father and sister haven’t stopped, but it’s easier for me to deal with them without getting down. Now when something goes wrong, I don’t worry about it like it’s the end of the world, like I used to. I try to not let things stress me out, put me down or stop me from doing what I want to do.

These days I go to church every single Sunday. I am in the choir, I dance in church and I just try to go as often as I can. I am believing in and feeling closer to God and it’s helping me feel better and stronger as I go on each day. I am getting more hope to keep moving on instead of just giving up when problems come my way. When I leave church, I feel better than I felt when I went in.