NYC-Feature Story

Why I Won't Go to Prom

By April Daley

Most girls I know have been dreaming of their high school prom since the days of carefree trips to the playground, girl power proclamations and cooties. Images of flowing Cinderella gowns and Prince Charming still dance in their minds. They think about possible dates and limousine seating arrangements.

I was never one of those girls. I love dressing up as much as the next girl, but prom has never had the same dreamy significance for me that it has for all of my friends. There always seemed to be more important things to talk about, like everything that comes after prom: graduation, college-life after high school.

I'm a senior now and I don't plan on going to prom. Most of my friends have tried to convince me that prom is pivotal in a teen's life, a rite of passage, and that there will never be an event like prom ever again.

Not Worth It

In some ways, they're right. Prom is one of our first opportunities to dress up formally and go out with friends. It's the last event in high school where we can let out the stress from the past four years and just have fun.

But I don't really see prom as a rite of passage into adulthood. Isn't that what graduation is for? For me, prom is just another high school event like homecoming or senior pajama day. I'm not excited about the preparation for prom or the money that goes into it. I don't see how it will be worth it at the end of the night.

Maybe I would feel differently if prom was like it was when it first started.

Debutantes, Suitors and Tea

When prom first sprang up in the 19th century, it was a life-altering coming of age event. The word prom comes from the word "promenade," a march of the guests at the beginning of a ball or other formal event, according to the prom website prettyforprom.com.

It originated not in high school, but at elite Northeastern colleges, according to the website. In the late 1800s, wealthy parents threw debutante balls or "coming out" parties where daughters were presented to society as women for the first time, ready to entertain suitors, according to American Prom, a book about prom by Richard G. Calo. Middle class parents admired the poise and manners that the rich showed at debutante balls, so they started similar events to teach their own children the same manners.

The idea of having a dinner where you could dress up and learn adult social skills and etiquette seems romantic to me, and more meaningful than today's prom. It must have been especially important to these middle class teens who might not have learned it otherwise.

High school proms began later, in the early 1900s, according to American Prom. Students dressed in their best clothes and there was tea, socializing and dancing. After World War II, when many Americans began to earn more money, prom evolved into a more elaborate event.

A Night to Hook Up

Prom was created to teach teens the poise and composure they would need as adults. But it has evolved into a night that's often devoid of poise and composure. Since the 1980s, prom has been less about learning manners and more about celebration, drinking and sex. Instead of celebrating their readiness to take on adult responsibilities, teens now seem to celebrate the freedom to not be responsible for their actions.

Some might argue that prom marks the transition to adult sexuality and its responsibilities. According to American Prom, "Asking someone to prom is the most important step in the prom process because who you go with determines the outcome of prom night."

By announcing a serious boyfriend or girlfriend at an event like prom, according to the book, a teenager is telling the world that they're mature enough to participate in adult things like sex.

Prom Breaks the Bank

But basing how much you enjoy the night on who you go with and whether you have sex sends the message that adulthood is about partnering up with someone romantically. While sex is part of being an adult, it isn't what ultimately defines being one.

Sure, many students go with their friends. More than a third of teens in the U.S. attend with a friend and about 10% go in groups, according to American Prom. But when Calo spoke to teens he found that while some genuinely want to go with friends because of the no-hassle vibe it brings to the night, most teens turn to friends as a last resort.

My last problem with prom is the expense. When prom first started, teens wore their Sunday best, which they usually already owned. They didn't go out to buy dresses or rent tuxes or limos. It was more about the event than what you wore to the event.

But now, there are seating charts for the limo. There are nails to be painted, time to be spent under the hair dryer for elaborate up-dos, prom tickets to buy, corsages and boutonnieres to color-coordinate and accessories to pull it all together. I've watched my classmates spend months agonizing over the perfect dress that no one else will have. These expenses can easily run from $400 to $3,000 and up, according to a 2004 article in USA Today.

Just a Dance

There are ways to lower the cost, like by buying a cheaper dress and skipping the hairstyle and manicure or doing them yourself. But there are some costs that can't be avoided, like a ticket that costs nearly $200 at my school.

I'm not anti-prom. Prom has its merits. It's a night that many adults look back on fondly, remembering when they danced with friends or romantic partners and bonded with their class. However, I am against making prom into a huge final high school event. It doesn't teach poise and etiquette anymore. It's no longer a night where teens are presented to society as adults eligible for marriage. It's time to demote prom to an elaborate dance. It's not a rite of passage.