NYC-Feature Story

The Right Choice for Me
My family assumed I’d head to college, but I wasn’t so sure

By Jonathan Holoman

When I was young, I was always trying to be like my brother. He is six years older than me and I saw him as a big success. He was cool with his peers at school and was friends with some of the prettiest girls I’d ever seen. I always assumed that he’d do even better when it was time for him to be on his own.


	Lesson 1: Reading and Summarizing

	Lession 2: Discussion

But toward the end of high school, he began to slack off. He would hang out with his friends, play video games, and put off his homework. He wound up going to summer school, and eventually graduated late.

After graduation, he mentioned that he wasn’t planning to go to college anytime soon. This surprised and disappointed me. I needed him to show me how to make it in life.

I didn’t understand it at all until my sophomore year of high school, when I began following in his footsteps. I was bored at school. I started slacking off and ended up in summer school. I was disgusted with myself.

The Pressure Begins

By junior year, I started to feel afraid of going to college. I had always thought of college as a place for people who are actually going to do something with their lives. And since my grades were so rocky, I didn’t think it was the place for me.

It didn’t help that my family was beginning to pressure me about college. Every time I mentioned something about a school project or getting a good grade on a test, my parents would steer this into a conversation about college. “What are you going to do once you graduate from high school?” my mother would ask.

I understood that my parents wanted to see me make it in life, but the pressure was really creeping up under my skin. I was afraid of disappointing them by not going to college, but I was also afraid of going to college and doing badly.

A Secret Plan B

When I went to visit my grandparents in South Carolina that summer, of course they added their two cents. They were always encouraging me to go to the University of South Carolina, which I had loved since visiting the campus for a conference a few years earlier. But now that I had so many doubts about whether I could even make it into college, their encouragement annoyed me.

I was convinced that I should forget about college. I had my plan B all worked out: I already had an internship doing office work for my local assemblyman, so I would continue there and make enough money to get my own place.

Of course, I didn’t tell my parents about this idea. They would’ve tried to convince me to go to college.

A Pact With Myself

One night that summer I couldn’t sleep, because almost every part of a summer day in South Carolina is hot. The quiet gave me a chance to think.

I began thinking of my older brother. I thought of his life, of how he was constantly waiting for something to happen and nothing was coming through for him. I didn’t want to live the same life.

I was also remembering all the times that a teacher or a peer had complimented my writing skills, saying that I had talent. I had always ignored those comments, but suddenly it was sinking in. I began to wonder, “What if I really do have something to offer the world?”

I wanted to see what everyone else saw in me. I made a pact with myself that night that no matter what happened, I would be dedicated to my work during my final year in high school. If I could learn how to have more confidence in myself, maybe everything else would fall into place.

Crisis of Confidence

When I returned to school, I got an accordion folder and used it to organize all my homework assignments. I kept reminding myself about the promise I’d made, encouraging myself to stick to it. By the end of the first semester, I was doing well in every class and managed to make it onto the High Honors list.

But as graduation drew closer, I relapsed into another crisis of confidence. Even though my grades had improved, I still wasn’t sure I was ready for the hard work of college.

I did know I wanted to set an example for my younger brothers. They needed to look up to someone, the way I’d looked up to my brother. It was easier for me to think about going to college for someone else than for myself. Every time I thought about doing it for me, I just felt lazy, like not bothering. But doing it for my brothers motivated me.

A Stranger’s Words

And then, one day, I was on the bus doing a school assignment when an elderly man with a dingy overcoat boarded and sat down right across from me. “That’s a beautiful thing,” he said. I didn’t know what he was talking about until he added, “The fact that you’re doing your homework.” He asked me what I wanted to be and where I wanted to go to college.

I said that I wanted to go to the University of South Carolina and major in journalism to become a writer.

“Then you need to go on and make it happen. If you want to go to college then go on ahead, and get out of here,” he said.

Something told me the man was speaking from experience, warning me against whatever mistakes he’d made. It was funny that I’d been hearing I could do it from people who’d known me all my life, yet somehow his words felt more powerful. Maybe it was because there was no pressure behind them. I felt like I had a choice. And because the choice was mine, I finally felt sure that I meant it when I said I wanted to go to college.

The Right Choice

Unfortunately, I had missed the application deadline for the University of South Carolina. The application had been due the same day I took the SATs, and I hadn’t realized it. It was hard to accept that I couldn’t attend my first-choice school, but as disappointed as I was, I knew that I had to move on. I’d applied to a few other schools and luckily, the day before graduation, I got an acceptance letter from Benedict College, a historically black private college in South Carolina. I accepted their offer.

I just finished my first year at Benedict. I did have some problems at first: The work can be tough, and people aren’t always nice. But all in all, my first year there has been a good experience. I’ve made tons of new friends, the classes are really interactive, and living on my own is a great experience. On weekends, I even get to visit my grandparents.

I really want to make my life at college work. I know that I’ve made my family proud, especially my parents, and I’m setting a good example for my little brothers. Even more impressive, I’ve convinced my older brother to go to college. He enrolled at a technical school in New York when I enrolled at Benedict, and he seems determined to make a life for himself.

But most importantly, I’ve made myself proud. My future is all up to me, and I know I’ve made the right choice for myself.

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