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Kyeeniah, who grows up in an African-American and Latino neighborhood, never has a friendship with a White person until she meets Sal in high school.

Overcoming Racial Isolation

By Kyeeniah Nix

I never developed a close friendship with a White person until I got in ninth grade. This was my first step at breaking the isolation that surrounded me every day.

I live in a neighborhood in Brooklyn where Blacks and Hispanics are the majority. Even though most of my teachers in grammar school were White, I never knew what it was like to know and be friends with someone of a different race.

Growing up in a public elementary school, I remember stereotyping Whites-thinking they all had perfect grammar and never spoke slang.

I also thought that all Whites hated Black people, even when they kept the hatred to themselves.

Some of my friends still have this image of White people, but after knowing my friend Sal I know that not all White people are the same.

For example, Sal and I are still friends to this day because we take the time to talk about issues that affect us in our everyday lives and we don't shut each other out.

Pressure From School and Home

At one time Sal was racist, but this was before he came to high school. He used to be around those who were isolated and were raised to be racist. They would make fun of anyone who made friends with someone who was Black.

Sal also faced this pressure to be racist in his private school that was predominantly White. When he reached high school, it was different. He started to meet a lot of Black and Hispanic students, students of different races with new cultures to explore.

Sal met me at a newspaper staff meeting in ninth grade. He never gave me dirty looks, he spoke like every other teenager, and didn't give the impression that "I'm better because I'm White."

Instead he treated me like I was an important individual, not like I was some strange-looking creature.

Another thing about him is that he has a great sense of humor. That's how I was able to open up-laughter can ease tension.

Some friends at school would say to me, "Oh, you're tryin' to be with the White boys now?!"

What's funny is that those same people got to know Sal and from that point on I didn't hear any other comments.

Although most of the students in the school were Black and Hispanic, Sal made himself a part of the scene and crowd. He could have stayed to himself, but if he had, then he and I wouldn't have been friends, and he'd still be racist.

There are other people like Sal and me who are breaking through racial isolation.

Sandy Nunez, 17, who lives in Starrett City, Brooklyn, says, "I am never intimidated by someone's color," and she'll accept anyone "who is a nice person."

'A Friend is a Friend'

Sandy is part Latino and part German, and has a close friend named Dianna. When Sandy first met Dianna, she thought she was "kind of stuck-up because she was a model," not because she was Black.

"Now I see her as doing her own thing, and as someone who takes her work seriously. I talk to her about anything," says Sandy.

"A friend is a friend," says Angela Ing, 18, who lives in Chinatown in Manhattan. She says that "some people look at me differently [being Asian] because most of my friends are Puerto Ricans."

Angela and Sandy are examples of how people can learn to accept other people regardless of their race.

Why is it so hard for some teens to make friends of a different race?

Wen-Chih Cheng, 17, who has been in this country for only 11 years, remembers how hard it was coming from Taiwan to America, not having friends and not knowing English.

But someone helped her and showed her what a friend was.

"In second grade I met this girl who was Jewish. She helped me out in class, especially in English. We still keep in close contact," she says. "Her parents were nice to me. To make friends of another race, you get to know more about them. People shouldn't believe in stereotypes."

'Can't Hold a Grudge'

Kenneth Smith, 18, of East Harlem, feels that stereotypes, a cause of racial isolation, not only come from some schools but from the household as well.

Kenneth is Black and lives in a predominantly Black and Hispanic neighborhood, but he doesn't feel racially isolated, being brought up around parents who aren't prejudiced, and who judge "not on color but on the content of the character."

Kenneth remembers Paul and Glen, two Italian kids who moved to his neighborhood when he was in the ninth grade.

"People didn't accept them because they were White, and the neighbors took the impression that 'Whites were coming to take over!,' " he recalls.

It was harder for Glen to adjust because he wasn't as outgoing as his brother Paul. Glen was slow in making friends in the neighborhood, and being mocked because be was White didn't help him feel wanted.

"I spent more time with Glen, because he felt left out. He needed support; I showed that I cared. You can't go around holding grudges on a person because of the color of their skin," says Kenneth.

"I had a Puerto Rican friend in the sixth grade. His name was Tony. His parents only wanted him to have Puerto Rican friends," says Frank Middleton, 19, of Fast Bronx, a non-Hispanic Black. Staying in your perimeter [by putting down other races]-it's isolating [you]?"

"If we were blind, how would we know what [color or race] he was?" Frank asks.

Importance of Family

"You can still grow up in New York and be isolated," says Susan Kleinman, 18, of Manhattan. "It's deeply rooted in our society, you can't find just one answer to [isolation]. It's harder for me to relate if they [other teens] didn't grow up the way I did. My parents have Black friends, and I took for granted that this is the way it is..."

Susan, who is Jewish, never once remembers her parents being racist. She feels that the family background is important in how children view people of different backgrounds.

Learning about people of different races "gives everybody the chance to get along with each other," says Jeanette Figueroa, 18, who lives in West Brighton, Staten Island.

"When you go to school and work, be determined to hang around different kinds of races. When they get to know each other [and you get to know them], they'll know that they were wrong [for stereotyping you] to begin with," she adds.

Jeanette grew up in a school and neighborhood that was mixed with different races. This gave her a chance not only to hang around Puerto Ricans, but other races, too.

Learning about and being close friends with someone of a different race is not easy for everyone.

But the first step we all have to take is overcoming the stereotypes we hear about each other, by learning how to reach out.

"Think About It":
Prompts for discussion and/or writing:

—Kyeeniah grew up in a predominantly Black and Hispanic neighborhood and never was friends with a White person until she met Sal in high school. Is there a similar person in your life who has helped you overcome stereotypes about a group of people? Who was this person, and what stereotypes did s/he help you to change?

—Kyeeniah points out that prejudice is often learned at home from the example set by parents. How much do parents contribute to children being prejudiced? What have you learned from your parents about prejudice? How much are you different from them in your views?

—Aside from family attitudes, what are other ways that prejudice is learned?

—Kyeeniah grew up in isolation from other races. How much of a problem do you think this is in our society? What causes racial isolation, and what could be done to lessen or counteract it?

Roleplay: two teens, playing Kyeeniah and a friend. The friend thinks all White people dislike Black people. Kyeeniah wants her friend to know why that's not true.