NYC-Feature Story-World Trade Center

NYC-1998-12-05
People expect Curtis to be a shoplifter or a mugger because he's a Black teen.

What You Lookin' at, Willis?

By Curtis Holmes

The other day I went to a store by my train station. I had been outside all day, and I was so thirsty my mouth was dry like sandpaper. I was like a car that had run out of gas.

So when I saw the store, you can bet my taste buds, which had been crying out for help, had a party.

I reached down into my pocket and pulled out two George Washingtons. That's right, two quarters, and went to the cooler and picked me up a soda.

That Clerk Was S-o-o Rude!

But accidentally, I picked up a soda that cost more than what I had in my hand. When the clerk saw my mistake, he told me that I did not have enough.

I did not hear him, and when I asked him to repeat what he had said, he said, loud enough for the whole world to hear:

"You do not have enough money! Now, either put back something or get out of my store, but just stop playing around!"

I was very embarrassed but I went to get another soda. Then, to add insult to injury, he checked the rest of my things, like a lollipop and some chips I had bought for my friends, as if he had to make sure I wasn't trying to steal anything.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it was my first time shopping there. But I go there almost every day. I trusted the clerk at the store to be courteous-to treat me like a regular human being who made a mistake, not a thief.

Needless to say, that store will no longer get trusted by me.

Black Teens Often Get the Evil Eye

The problem is, the clerk isn't the only one who treats me that way. If he were, I'd just walk away and not think about it again.

But Black teens like me are often thought of as dangerous, and people react in a way that lets us know they don't trust us. Like if we get on a train, sometimes people start gripping their pocketbooks, or they move away from us for no reason.

The other day, for example, I was walking down the street and I was late for my internship, so needless to say I had to do some speed walking if I wanted to be on time.

As I was walking, I noticed that the lady in front of me kept turning her head around and looking at me out of the corner of her eye.

It was rush hour and it was crowded, so when I saw her pick up the pace, I was like, "Finally, someone is moving fast," and I walked behind her. But I noticed that she kept turning her head and staring at me, and finally she changed direction all together.

I was watching and wondering what she was doing, when suddenly it dawned on me: She must think I am going to rob her.

Sometimes I Do Overreact

Of course, it's possible that sometimes I overreact and assume people are thinking I'm dangerous when they're not.

Maybe they're thinking I'm good looking, or maybe they're just looking in my general direction. After all, it's true that sometimes I stare too-especially if an attractive girl gets on the train (cause she uhhh...might...uhhh...want a seat).

Still, I know I'm not totally wrong about how teens, and Black teens in particular, get treated. I have heard people talk about how they were just hanging outside and people called the cops on them.

When it gets to the point where you are calling the cops on groups of teens just because they're hanging out and you are afraid, then that is stupidity.

Sometimes I feel that people see me on the street and an alarm goes off, "Negro alert, Negro alert. We must stare at him before he robs us all."

"What if he doesn't want to rob us?"

"Yes he does. They all do."

It gets me so angry.

I'm An Upright, Do-Right Young Black Male

I am not going to lie and say I haven't wondered what it would be like to get high, or rob someone, or do anything else illegal. But the fact is that I have never done a thing.

You can ask anyone who knows me, one of the last things you would ever see me do is attack somebody. First of all, that's just not in my nature.

Besides, I am too lazy. If I had to run away, I would only get to the end of the block before I got tired and decided to turn back.

But seriously, even though I could never be confused with an angel, I do go to school and work hard just like other people. I have responsibilities, feelings and fun just like anyone else.

But the way people sometime look at me as if I am a serial killer or a thief, or like I'm the criminal they saw on last night's news or in the morning newspaper, sometimes makes me feel like I might as well act up and break the rules, since I'm getting blamed anyway.

We Need to Fight Stereotypes With Our Actions

I'm also not saying that there's no reason for people to be wary of Black teens. They always say that a lot of crimes are committed by Black men, and I know sometimes teens do cause trouble. So sometimes it makes sense that people are scared.

Even though I get mad that we have to deal with prejudices, I also think we all need to do what we can to prove the stereotypes wrong.

Don't get mad, get glad-try harder in school, don't do drugs, and stay away from violence. Erase all the stereotypes that haunt young Black people.

That way people will have a reason to look-but instead they'll be looking up to you.

Sometimes I'm Afraid Myself

Because right now, I have to admit that if I were walking home from a friend's house late at night and I saw a replica of myself behind me, I'm not saying I would feel scared, but definitely I would be wary.

My neighborhood is not the safest place in the world and there are some weird people out there.

When I was younger, and I'd walk home late from my aunt's house, she'd always tell me to walk through the shopping center where the lights are, but it was the long way home and one time I decided to take a shortcut.

So I am walking home and I notice someone behind me. I was only 10, and by myself, and I did not like the fact that this guy was following me.

I was really scared. It was almost impossible to see because it was pitch black. So I did the only thing I could do: run.

To me, what I did makes sense, because maybe that guy wanted to hurt me. Besides, it's other Blacks who are most often the victims of crime.

In 1996, one out of every 19 Blacks was a victim of crime, a greater percentage than for any other race. And 48% of murder victims are Black. So if anyone should be afraid, it's me.

But maybe the guy was just walking home like me, and maybe he felt kind of upset by my reaction. The truth is, I did judge him in part by appearances.

People Need to Get Over Their Prejudices

I guess I think that people should always be wary of who is behind them because you never know what might happen, especially if it's late at night, or you're alone in a deserted place, or people are acting rowdy.

But people stare at me in the middle of the day, in crowded places, with cops around. I think things like that happen because of stereotypes, and people need to cut it out.

Most Black kids stay out of trouble-like me.

The sad thing is, most people don't seem to know that. They look at me and see everything bad they've heard about young people-especially about young Black males.

And there is really nothing I can do about it except say right here that as of this day, if you see me on the bus or train, do not be afraid, I will not do any harm to you.

Take the picture and keep it with you. I am not a con. Repeat: I am not a con.

"Think About It":
Prompts for discussion and/or writing:

—Curtis, a Black male, gets stereotyped as a mugger and shoplifter. Where do you think those stereotypes come from?

—Curtis says he "might as well act up," since he's getting blamed anyway for things that aren't his fault. Have you ever felt like "acting up" because you were being stereotyped? In what ways? If not, what prevented you?

—Curtis says that in some cases it makes sense for people to be afraid of him, and admits to being afraid in his own neighborhood. What's the difference between a legitimate fear and a stereotype?

—Curtis says he tries to act in ways to erase stereotypes about Black youth. Do you ever find yourself trying to do that for the racial, ethnic, or gender group you belong to? In what ways?