NYC-Feature Story-World Trade Center

NYC-2001-09-22
With most people Sonia feels uncomfortable and hides her feelings, but with her friends she can forget her sadness, relax, and even smile.

Friends Keep Me Going

By Sonia Nuñez

A few weeks ago, feeling seriously depressed and alone, I went to the P.S.134 school yard in my neighborhood, the Lower East Side. I was hoping my friends would be there, our usual hang out.

Seeing them was just what I needed. When I stepped in the park, Augie yelled "Sonia!" as if I were a famous person. It made me feel so special. Then my other friends came and gave me a kiss on the cheek because that's the way we greet around my neighborhood.

I Feel Loved

Meet my friends: Rebecca, Junior, Augie, Joey, Mike and Janisa. I see most of them almost every day. I treasure these friends like gold-they just don't know it.

Without my friends I would've been lost or even gone by now. I need them in my fight against depression. We don't even have to talk. I just feel loved and important around them.

My friends are a lot of help with my depression because I can always be myself and rely on them to make me feel good when I'm feeling bad. When I'm around people other than my friends, I often feel uncomfortable and find myself hiding. But with my friends, I can relax-and even smile.

Like a Sister

They'll listen to me talk about things I did wrong and they'll still be loving and caring to me. Like when I mess up in school or hurt somebody's feelings they'll be like "It's OK, Sonia. At least you're regretting it. It's not like you don't care." I don't mean to hurt people's feelings, it's just that sometimes they ask for more than I can give.

Of all my friends, I've known Janisa the longest. She's been my best friend since 8th grade. Sometimes it's like we're sisters. When I sleep over her house, if her mom sends her to wash dishes or to get her a cup of water, Janisa tells her mom to ask me to do it. Sisters and brothers do that. Well, at least in my family we do.

Her Toughness Scares Me

But Janisa's looked out for me a lot. She doesn't let anybody badmouth me and when no one else was there for me, she was. "Don't lower yourself for nobody!" she told me. "If someone doesn't want to be your friend, then f-ck them because there are millions of people out there. So you don't need them!"

If Janisa has something to say, she'll say it. She doesn't hold nothing back for nobody. But while I admire her directness, that's also why I can't talk to her about my depression. She wants me to talk to her, but her being tough scares me. I feel like she'll be all rough on me when what I need is gentleness.

I've tried to talk to her about depression, but she tells me that if I didn't think about it, it wouldn't bother me as much. That makes me feel like she doesn't understand. But I also know she's just trying to help.

Sometimes I feel that I haven't been there for Janisa because I don't know how to deal with a person like her. She's the opposite of me: She's bold and not particularly sensitive. I'm never quite sure what to do and not do or what to say or not say. It makes me feel bad, and like I'm less than a friend.

But we'll always connect even if we haven't seen each other in months. We act crazy and make each other laugh. It could be a boring day where there's nothing to do and Janisa will make it fun no matter what.

I go to her when I'm depressed without telling her that I am, so she can make me laugh.

"Sonia, look at that lady," she'll say, picking out a weird-looking person on the street just to make fun of her. Or sometimes I'll point out the people I know she'll make fun of and laugh at what she says about them.

Rebecca Understands Me

If I want a sympathetic ear, I have Rebecca to turn to. She's the only one who I think really understands me in terms of my depression.

I met Rebecca, who's 15, last May and we quickly became close friends. Every time I talk to her, she makes me feel better by giving me advice and support instead of getting at me and making me feel worse.

Even if I seem happy she asks me, "What's wrong?" That's how I know Rebecca really knows me. Sometimes it's annoying when she continuously asks me what's wrong but it shows me that she cares.

Plus she's fun to be with. She plays basketball and baseball, and she writes rhymes. She sometimes thinks of new inventions, like an improved bathtub or kitchen table. And she's always joking around. "Holla at the kid!" she'll say, meaning I should call her. She always refers to herself in the third person.

Junior's Hugs

Out of all my guy friends, Junior, 17, is the one I'm closest to. I met Junior last summer. He's a big guy and he's tall. When I hug him I only reach his stomach but it's so comfortable and loving.

Junior's always concerned if I'm sad or depressed and tries to make me talk to get things off my chest. Since I know he cares, I do try to talk with him, although sometimes I stay to myself and tell him later that day. Then he'll hug me and tell me not to worry about it.

Junior makes me feel good about myself by complimenting me, too. "Sonia, you're a dime!" he'll tell me. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

I feel something strong when I talk to Junior; like he'll always be there even if I ever hurt him. He's a real friend and I shouldn't let him slip away.

I've Got Augie's Back

Then there's Augie, 15, who tells me that I'm gorgeous. Even though I think he's exaggerating, hearing compliments like these builds up my self-esteem for a few minutes. It's not long but it feels good anyway.

When I first met Augie, I thought he was like other guys, wanting to get play from girls and being disrespectful to them. But he turned out to be a respectful person. He's cool and adorable.

And he has my back like I've got his. Recently, Augie broke up with his girl because she was going away, and he was very sad and lonely. I tried to make him feel better by making him talk about it and telling him that I'm here for him.

Mike's Got Cares of His Own

I don't know Mike and Joey as well as the others but I still think of them as friends. Mike, 16, doesn't talk much and he's always serious. He sometimes tells me that I'm beautiful, usually when I'm depressed. He contributes to making me feel good about myself.

Mike's hugs are special because it seems he has a lot that troubles him that he keeps deep within. His reaching out to me when he's got his own troubles makes me feel honored. I love it when he smiles or even laughs, because he hardly does.

Joey, 14, is the youngest of the group. He's a cool person to chill with. He makes me feel important by always making sure I say "Hi" to him. He's cute and funny, and he's understanding, too.

Others Judge My Friends

Some people I know judge my friends harshly by the way they dress and talk. My guy friends dress baggy, like hoodlums. They talk slang-ghetto English, as I put it. Some people hate the way they talk because they think it sounds stupid and childish. They just focus on how my friends represent themselves.

But I focus on what's inside and what my friends do for me. They treat me so well and that's what people fail to see. I'm blessed to have friends like mine.

"Think About It":
Prompts for discussion and/or writing:

—Each of Sonia's friends supports her in a different way. List your friends and describe how each supports you and why you have a close friendship.

—Write a letter to a friend, explaining how that person has helped you.

—Sonia says her friends are sometimes judged by how they look on the outside (they dress baggy and talk slang) rather than by who they are on the inside. Are there ways that you and your friends are judged by how you look and talk, rather than by who you are? How? What impact does this have on you and your friends?

Roleplay: two students, playing Sonia and a friend. Sonia's friend feels depressed about the attacks on the U.S. Sonia tries to support her friend by pointing out positive ways she can deal with her feelings.