She was a smart girl who was falling in love with me too quick. I had a bottle of liquor, and she had intoxicated herself with weed. We were alone at my friend’s house. She came on to me and I wasn’t in my right mind, so my body took over and we started having sex.

Since I was a little drunk, I wasn’t careful. It wasn’t until later that I realized there could be consequences. I was still in denial and thought the chances of her getting pregnant were low.

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A few weeks later, she and I were hanging out at my friend’s house again and she told me she was pregnant. First thing that came to my mind was, “This my baby or she playing games?” I was filled with rage and I rapidly told her I didn’t want no part of the baby. I was mad over the way she had told me about it, straight up without any hesitation, like it was all cool, with a smirk on her face. There was no remorse.

Trapped

But it mattered to me. I was only 15, and I wasn’t ready for fatherhood because I couldn’t support myself and I was still in middle school. I wasn’t doing too good in school either, and this was a big worry. I felt trapped.

If my grandmother knew I got a girl pregnant, she would kill me and throw me out the house. I would have been the only kid in my family still in school with a baby. I have nine siblings, and my grandmother struggled to support many of us all on her own. Taking care of us took a lot of her energy. Witnessing this made me feel sorry for her because I couldn’t help out. She bent over backwards to support us.

That affected my plans about having a kid in the future. Watching my grandmother struggle, I saw that it took a lot to raise a kid, and it was not going to be fun. It’s nothing but work and stress.

So I told the girl to get an abortion. “I’m too young,” I told her. “My grandmother’s not going to stand for it.”

“I understand,” she said. “I don’t want kids either and I’m too young to have one.”

When my ears heard that I felt very happy.

Worried Waiting

Days went by and I didn’t hear from the girl. I didn’t know what to think. I was afraid she ran away to have the baby after all. Maybe she was keeping out of contact because she wanted to keep it but knew how I felt.

Three days later she called. I told her again that she should get an abortion because I wasn’t ready to be a daddy or raise a child. She responded like I was getting on her nerves about it. Her tone of voice sounded like she was tired of me bringing up abortion. But she let me know she was going to get one.

More days passed and I hadn’t heard from her. So I was starting to get my thoughts together about how I was going to explain to my family that I’d gotten a girl pregnant.

A good week later, I got the phone call. She said, “I got rid of it. I got the abortion, so you don’t have to worry.”

It felt like a black cloud over my head left and the sun came out.

I’ve Changed My Ways

image by Froylan Garcia

After it happened, I blocked the whole experience out of my mind. I wanted to forget the past. I didn’t want to think about getting a girl pregnant and having a kid. Thinking about it brought me back to that feeling of being trapped.

I see now that I made one mistake in the situation: getting drunk and having sex with her when I wasn’t in the right state of mind to make a decision. Now I tell myself, “No condom, no sex.”

From what I’ve seen, I’d say that 40 percent of men don’t care about safe sex. My opinion is that some are high on drugs or alcohol and just not in their right state of mind to make the decision to have sex. Sometimes they’re in a rush just to get some, thinking the chance will never happen again. A lot of them feel over-confident about knowing the right time to pull out so that they don’t get the girl pregnant.

Guys who don’t use condoms should know that the girl they do it with might have a disease. Even if she doesn’t, she might get pregnant and then you end up raising a child from a girl you barely know.

I think the other 60 percent of men do care about safe sex. They think about the outcome of getting a girl pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease. They know that having a kid is a nightmare when you’re still a teenager living at home.

Kids Change Everything

With a kid in your world, there’s no more thinking about yourself. Everything you do now will affect your kids. So there’ll be no more shopping for yourself, because you’ll be on a tight budget. You’ve got to buy Pampers, baby food, and other things for the kid. As the baby father, you have to go look for a job to support your kid if your parents are not going to help. All hanging out with your homeboys has to stop. You barely have time for yourself.

Having a baby will also affect your education. You can’t go to school and watch a baby at the same time. Sometimes you might not find a babysitter and you’ll have to miss school, or take time off to take the baby to the doctor for his checkup.

I’ve only had one relationship in my life that I committed to, meaning that I didn’t interact with other females during the relationship. Your feeling during a committed relationship has to be true, something you feel in your heart about the girl. You have to make sure not to do anything to upset or hurt the other person in the relationship.

I don’t think I’m capable of that right now, because I’m a people person and I adore flirting and having a lot of female friends (not that I’m having sex with them). Later in life I can see myself settling down and focusing on my child, but not now.

I Want to Break the Cycle

When I try to picture myself being a father, I see myself as a wealthy man with my own house and a car. I am making my own choices in life. I have a good baby mother who’s mature and nurturing with kids. The mother of my child will have to be something in life—be independent, have a job, and be willing to care about me and our family. I’m giving all of my commitment to the baby and expecting her to do the same.

Fathers who don’t take care of their children are abandoning their responsibilities, leaving them to look on the street for a male figure in their lives and maybe continuing the cycle of abandoning their babies. I grew up without my father and I witnessed other kids having the same problem. I don’t want to do that to my son.

Emergency Contraception

If you didn’t use birth control or are worried that your contraception failed, you can take emergency contraception (aka the morning after pill) up to five days after sex.

The morning after pill isn’t as effective as a condom or other birth control used before or during sex. It also doesn’t protect against HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. But it can prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

Call 1-800-not2late or visit www.not-2-late.com