If you’re having your first child, you’ll have a lot of questions. An organization here in New York City called the Newborn Home Visiting Program sends health professionals to the homes of new mothers for a one-time visit lasting 45 minutes to an hour and a half. They provide information about caring for an infant. If the mother has difficulty breastfeeding they help her.

They hook mothers up with help in the community, including daycare and breastfeeding groups. They check to make sure the baby has a safe environment and look for things like domestic violence and depression and provide numbers to contact for help.

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I interviewed a nurse consultant named Florence Chery-Antoine at her office in Brooklyn. I asked her questions that you may have wondered about. Of course, it would be impossible to answer every question new parents ask, so we’ve also included some places you can go to find out more.

Q. Is it normal to feel scared when you take your baby home from the hospital?

A: Yes, it is normal, and you should ask every question you can think of. Write down questions as they occur to you and ask the pediatrician when you go. Ask questions, and ask for help. Go to the library and get a resource book. I like What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Merkoff.

Q. What advice would you give to a male who’s having his first child?

A. To take parenting classes and childbirth classes with the baby’s mother. And ask your pediatrician all the questions you can think of. Then participate in the baby’s life as much as you can. You bond with your baby and you also give the mother a chance to get some rest. After about a month, you can put breast milk in a bottle and that way you can feed your baby. Don’t stay in the background.

To know two people are there to meet his needs helps a baby tremendously. Give your baby patterns and routines; they help him stay calm.

Q: How do you bond with a baby and why is that important for new parents to do?

A: If the baby’s hungry, you feed her; if she’s crying, you change the diaper. Hold her. Babies want to feel your skin, feel your breath. You bond by touching, feeling, kissing, talking, singing to the baby.

Do NOT leave a crying baby alone to teach it how to comfort itself; there’s no such thing as spoiling or too much touch. Pick him up when he’s not crying, too. Gradually the baby attaches to you, and that’s how trust is developed. Bonding is essential for normal development.

Q: What’s better: breastfeeding or formula?

A. Breastfeeding is healthier because it has all the nutrition that a baby needs. In the beginning, immediately after delivery, your breasts produce antibodies that protect babies from whatever the mother’s been exposed to. Studies have also shown that breastfed babies have higher IQs than formula-fed babies.

Q. Why do so many mothers use bottled milk instead of breast milk?

A. There are different reasons, and one is the level of confidence. A mother can’t tell how much the baby has drunk from the breast, whereas the bottle has lines that show you. Some people don’t know that breast milk is better for the baby than bottled milk.

If people never see women breastfeeding in public or in their homes, it doesn’t seem normal. But it is normal—we have babies and we feed them with breast milk. That’s what breasts are for.

Plus it can be hard at first. We help new mothers with breastfeeding and connect them with experts who can help them.

Q. How can you tell if the baby’s had enough breast milk?

A. If you hear the baby swallow during feeding time, that’s a good sign. If the baby looks relaxed and content after leaving the breast he’s probably getting enough. If you’re changing a lot of diapers and the baby’s gaining weight, she’s getting enough to eat.

At first they’ll nurse 10 to 12 times a day or even more. Usually by 2-3 months it tapers off because the baby’s stomach grows and it can eat more at one sitting.

Q. At what age should a child eat other foods besides milk?

A. Around 6 months, when they start showing interest in your food. Generally, pediatricians recommend you start with baby cereal. Then babies can start learning the social aspects of eating, like using a spoon and bowl. WIC has good breastfeeding/feeding info (see Resource Box).

Q. How much sleep is normal for a newborn?

A. A newborn sleeps from 18 to 22 hours a day. They usually sleep for three to four hours at a time, then wake up for feeding, for diaper change, for some interaction, usually about a half-hour to an hour. If a baby sleeps for longer than eight hours in a stretch and you can’t wake her up, call your doctor, because that baby’s not being nourished.

Q. How can you tell a common cold from something more dangerous like the flu?

image by YC-Art Dept

A. Every parent should have a thermometer; don’t trust the back of the hand. If their temperature is over 100 degrees, you should call the doctor. Newborns (0-1 month) shouldn’t have any fever at all; even 99 is worth checking with the doctor. Also call the doctor if your baby isn’t eating or responding to you.

Q. How can you tell if your child is allergic to certain foods? What do you do?

A. Usually an allergy will show up as a rash or swelling of lips or itching. It’s recommended to introduce one new food at a time to a child; that way you can spot any allergies right away.

Q. Around what age do babies start to teethe and how can you tell?

A. They start to teethe at 4 months and above. The baby will drool a lot, try to chew on things or scratch their gums. Their gums might be red or you’ll see indentation.

Q. How would you know if your child isn’t developing normally and may need special attention?

A. Babies have developmental milestones. Babies should be able to do certain things at certain ages like follow you with their eyes at 1 month, or turn from their stomach onto their back around 6 months. You can find those milestones in any baby book and in hospitals, clinics, and the pediatrician’s office.

Q. When should you read to your child?

A. Start at day one. Babies love bright colors, so get books with colors. Get those hard board books so it’s OK if the baby puts the book in her mouth. Reading to a kid helps babies with language development; it helps a child learn to love books and learning; it builds the child’s imagination.

Reading the same books over and over is great; the kid loves being able to anticipate what’s coming next.

Q. When’s the right time to discipline a child?

A: First off, things we would consider misbehavior when a child is older may be perfectly normal, developmentally, for a smaller child—so it’s important to understand, read, and ask questions about child development and what consequences are appropriate at what age.

Disciplining your child should mean keeping your child safe. It is never hitting or punching or pushing the child. If the child is doing something unsafe, tell her what the danger is, starting at a year, or 18 months. Say, “The stove is hot; don’t touch it because it will burn you.”

But for little kids, their environment is their toy. Make sure that environment is safe, so you don’t always have to be saying “no, no, no.” Put up gates; use the cabinet safety locks.

By 18 months, or two years old, they’re ready for a time-out for something besides keeping them safe, like they’re acting wild. For a 2-year-old, a time-out should be two minutes, to fit the child’s attention span.

Let the child know what the consequences are, like “I’m going to take that toy away from you if you keep throwing it at your sister’s head.” Then do it, and be consistent. Make sure all caregivers do the same things.

Resources for New Parents

In New York City

Call 311 for a list of agencies that provide child care and parenting classes. You can also find them through a clinic or hospital. New York’s Administration for Children’s Services (ACS) also provides parenting classes through their preventive services office.

Nationally

The Nurse-Family Partnership (NFP) program only takes you before your second trimester, so get hooked up with them immediately. They tell you what to expect with baby and also help you get back on track with your education or whatever else was disrupted by the pregnancy.
www.nursefamilypartnership.org

WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) provides money for supplemental foods, health care referrals, and nutrition education for low-income pregnant women, women with babies, and to infants and children up to age 5 who are found to be at nutritional risk.
www.fns.usda.gov/wic/

Text 4 baby sends you text messages throughout your pregnancy—on things like “It’s time for your check-up.” Then after birth, they text you tips on things like immunizations.
www.text4baby.org

Your local hospital and many clinics have classes on taking care of your baby.

Breastfeeding troubles: Call your local health department or La Leche League (www.llli.org) for help.