When Julie Palmer-Blackwell was a baby, her father placed her in the care of Clara Hale, who became a nationally recognized child advocate. Although Palmer-Blackwell grew up in a supportive, loving home with “Mother Hale,” she never got over losing her biological parents.

She went to college, married and had children, became a successful jazz singer, and then began a second career in early childhood education. But throughout her life, Palmer-Blackwell was drawn to groups that she hoped would give her the support and sense of belonging she craved.

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Not until her late 50s, however, did she find people who really understood her experience growing up in care. Palmer-Blackwell recently spoke with Represent about her search for meaningful connections and how she discovered a new kind of family in the Foster Care Alumni of America, a national organization that connects people of all ages who have experienced care.

I am 63 years old. One of the benefits of being older is you’ve had time to make sense of your life. I’m very comfortable talking about my experiences in care. I don’t feel shame; I feel like it’s a badge of honor that I’ve survived and thrived.

I was born and raised in Harlem, New York. My mom was a beautiful young African-American woman from North Carolina and my dad was from India. Early on, it was apparent that my mother couldn’t really care for me and two of my sisters. So when I was 9 months old, my dad took us to Mother Clara Hale and she raised all three of us.

I have no memory of my early years. I knew I had a mom and a dad, and that Mother Hale was Mommy. My dad had been my caregiver, and I didn’t know what had happened to him. I slowly began to bond with Mrs. Hale and her daughter Lorraine.

My sisters and I each coped with the loss of our parents in different ways. One of my sisters grieved a lot. I was the outgoing one who wanted everyone to love me, and hence I’m a performer.

image by YC-Art Dept

The first time I got up and performed in front of people, I was 2. So it’s always been part of my personality; that has nothing to do with foster care. But it became a coping mechanism. Music was such an important part of my life; I was in all the school shows and in school chorus and the church choir.

I was always a leader—church youth group, choir, student government, etc. I wanted to be the center of attention. I call myself a recovering people pleaser because I wanted the world to love me. But there was also shyness and fear underneath all of that.

I talk very freely about my foster care experience now, but apparently nobody knew about it when I was young. I didn’t talk about it growing up. I talked about it with family and it wasn’t a secret, it was just something that I didn’t bring into other parts of my life. But the need to be included and wanted was always there. I was constantly looking for groups and communities without really knowing that that’s what I was doing.

Whether your experience in care has been good or bad, the devastation of not growing up with your family is incredible. We who are older and have been in care still need support with that. Joining Foster Care Alumni of America (FCAA) made me understand that.

Five years ago, I was in Washington, D.C., and decided to attend a congressional hearing about foster care. I met a group of people from Casey Family Programs and FCAA, and when I started telling them a little of my story, they put their arms around me and embraced me as their sister. I hadn’t known what that would mean to me; I felt like I was home.

Finding Casey and FCAA was a transformative point in my life. Somehow you think you’re all alone, but those groups connected me to the 12 million people in and from foster care.

I did not experience abuse, and I only had one placement. But even so, the common understanding and the shared experience in FCAA is amazing. FCAA is not only a way to connect but a way for me to give back, which helps me to continue Mother Hale’s legacy.

For more information about Foster Care Alumni of America, visit www.fostercarealumni.org